Expedites Leading-Edge Content

December 4, 2000 - In a move which has stunned the Internet e- business community, leading e-commerce site announced a new set of initiatives designed to incentivize dot-com relationships, streamline enterprise niches, repurpose cutting-edge networks, and implement granular infrastructures.

"We're poised and ready to monetize 24/365 infrastructures, syndicate world-class schemas, empower transparent models, grow bleeding-edge niches, and drive next-generation platforms with our whiteboard collaborative e-services, best-of-breed networks, and synergistic functionalities," said e-CEO Kevin Hisel.

Internet critics wondered if the upstart web property could actually envisioneer leading-edge networks, integrate ubiquitous content, syndicate efficient paradigms, and engineer the required B2C interfaces necessary to buoy its vaunted business plan.

But Hisel is confident.

"We've already proven that we can generate efficient bandwidth, maximize viral users, exploit bricks-and-clicks architectures, disintermediate back-end channels, maximize dynamic infrastructures, revolutionize extensible channels, mesh integrated interfaces, and engineer compelling action-items. I don't understand why the skeptics doubt our ability to transform cutting-edge functionalities, drive seamless portals, and iterate mission-critical ROI. It should be a cinch."

Shares of closed down 2 1/2 at 5 11/16.

This press release was prepared with the assistance of the Web Economy Bullshit Generator from

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